Marriage-Motherhood-Career

How do I manage my married life, and work?

In order to reach a beautiful harmony of your marriage and your business/work let's first talk about the pitfalls of you, as a wife, being in the workplace or building a business.

When work affects your marriage

Potential Pitfalls of a married woman who is working

A big one is the fact that you are committed to your boss. Because you already are committed to your husband as your boss. Who are you serving?

This can leave you feeling pulled in all directions.

If you work out of hours, this also infringes on your life as a married woman who is a wife to her husband. He is her king.

Work can take up more than the time. It's the energy, the heart, the involvement, the headspace.

What space is left for your relationship in it's ideal form.

Potential Pitfalls of a married woman who is building a service/business

Setting up your practice of any kind, has an affect on you as an independent authority figure in your field.

Since the nature of any good marriage is that "He will rule you" (Beraishis 3:15), a business therefore, kind of threatens it, whilst developing you as a leader and business owner.

Heading #1: How Entrepreneurship enhances your role as a wife

Heading #2: How To Maintain our Business and Marriage

Heading #3: Career Freedom Redefined

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Heading #1: How Entrepreneurship enhances your Role as a Wife

Ever since the first woman, Chava, transgressed by eating from the Eitz hadaas, it was ordained by The Creator of the Universe that women would bear children in pain. This is oft referred to, by women throughout times. What is less known is the second half of that curse, which is, "And he (her husband) will rule you (the woman)"That is how it is.

Since then, a good marriage, therefore, is in this dynamic; The husband leads and the head in all matters.

A wise wife then, will respect her husband, asking for his permission on family matters and putting him first in her actions, and conduct.

Usually, this will in turn, earn her husbands appreciation for her, and he will treat her well, so that she is loved, supported, and appreciated.

Understanding this, we can appreciate what a tall order this is for a woman. A woman who is herself a full human being with wants, characteristics, an opinion and much wisdom.

How much giving up of self for her husband?

Here's the thing though. A woman can only be that respecting to her husband if she is full and rich and a good sense of self. If she is needing or lacking in any way, in no way can she give the respect to her husband.

This is why the first and foremost job of all married women is to develop a strong sense of self. To fill herself up with self esteem and feeling really good with herself.

We may compare this to the teachings of Novahrdok as a Mussar principle. In Novahrdok, they believed in acting in a way that was almost putting themselves down so that they not feel too good with themselves.

Today, we want to keep just about a barge pole away from Novahrdok. It's not for us, we think.

On one occasion, I had the privilege to meet an elderly widow in Yerushalayim whose father was the prime talmid of Der Alter of Novahrdok. We started speaking and she explained to me, "You should have seen the wife of Der Alter. She was so put together, so gepitzt!"

Strange. But no. She had a sense of self. And after that, certain precautions were advised and encouraged so as not to feel too superior over others.

The ideal marriage of a wife respecting her husband and deferring to his will even when she wants different, is possible only after there is a strong sense of self.

How do we boost our sense of self in a healthy way?

Let's talk about 3 pronged self care;

• Taking space with only ourselves to walk, journal, meditate.

• Nurturing our support system of good friends who support and appreciate who we are.

• Developing and engaging in our passion.

And as you can guess, this third point is the one that resolves the conflict of career and marriage.

You see, when a woman chooses work that she loves, it boosts her sense of self, so that she is then energised and alive as a - wife! She is someone now who respects her husband.

When we choose work, decide on an area of service, we know that alongside helping the people we work with, we are energising ourselves in a way that leaves us only more capable of being a good wife.

Let's recognise that career, as it were, serves us to develop a strong healthy form of self care that recharges us to continue relating to our husband with respect, standing behind him with loyalty and devotion.

To sum up, a woman can only be a good wife, an eishes chayil, once she has a good sense of self. It follows that self care is the call of the day for a married woman - and engaging in work that she loves and energises her, is a significant form of self care.

Heading #2: How to maintain our Marriage and Business

Practically! How does it look when a woman has it all together - her marriage, a peaceful atmosphere in her home, and a growing business? I used to think it's a type. A kind of superwoman that is so disciplined, that life actually runs like clockwork, for her (not for me)

The truth is that this takes way more than an organised personality type. In fact, the good news here is that a woman doesn't need to be any certain type to make this win win in her life.

Flow. Integration. Patience. Love. Acceptance. Drive. Perseverance. These are the qualities that will allow the two to flourish. The truth? These ingredients are needed in any case, for a woman to be happy in her own home.

Let's picture a woman who is happy, at peace and is content to go with the flow of her life. She begins serving clients and opens a private coaching practice at home. For her, yes, life may technically be a little fuller now. But. She is so much more energised after feeling like she is making a difference in her own unique way and bringing dollars to the table.

See this? No superwoman. No great surrealism here. My point? This can be you. Yes, you with all that you have on your plate. With exactly the way you run your home. You can figure this out. Maintaining marriage? Like with many other decisions in your life, you turn to your husband to ask his opinion. Although this may sound very disempowering, in fact, it turns out to feel more secure and with backbone.

That's maintaining marriage and business. Business leaves you more energised for your marriage. No you do not need to be a certain type to manage this, it's more about the energy within you. And finally, by deferring to your husband in making business decisions, you gain confidence as you take strides further.

Heading #3: Career Freedom Redefined?

We have covered some perspective here. Now it's time therefore to think which area of work/business is energising to you? If you don't know, take the Petals Kickstart Career Discovery Exercise to find out.

If you want to learn more about choosing the right field for you, get access to the free Petals Career Coaching Webinar You will likely come away with more fresh perspective and perhaps some new insights.

Are you already seeing some clients or groups in a chosen field and you would love to develop that, you can sign up for The Proactive Mindset - What it really takes to launch free webinar

Whichever stage you are up to in your work/business be sure to sign up for Petals Live upcoming event Tues 5th November. It's the V'Hassieinu Summit - For aspiring, driven and seasoned coaches. Click here to learn more and register.

Take one step. It's liberating. You are moving towards being a better version of yourself as a loyal devoted wife.